#4 Let's Not Fall in Love

“Let’s not fall in love,” he said.

His eyes, two irises as black as a coal, looking out to the distance. He seems so far away even though the space between us was only an arm reach, even less. It’s as if his soul is nestling somewhere else, as if he was somewhere else (so far away, I can’t even reach), as if… he wants to be anywhere else but here.

Wasn’t he always?

“We don’t know each other very well yet,” His voice was raspy. Like the sound you make when you step on a stack of dry leaves during autumn.

We don’t know each other very well, yet. Sure, I thought. I only know about how much sugar you like on your coffee (3 spoons, or was it 4?), how much you love reading your old comic books on weekend, how you always woke up at 5 and then continue to sleep until 6.30 before officially starting your day, how much you hated to shave, and how you would hug me so tightly (so long) when you’re sad.

“Actually I…” he took a long draw of oxygen into his lungs before continuing his words. “…was scared”

Aren’t we all?

He turns his head towards me. Even now, when he’s looking straight into my eyes, (or maybe he was just trying to) his eyes were always seemed so distant. It’s as if he’s not looking at me but something far beyond me.

It seems like you’re here, but not. Why?

“Let’s not make promises. We never know what tomorrow may bring,” he said. “Please, don’t ask anything to me. I can’t… ever give you an answer“

But, darling, you are the answer to all my unasked questions.

“We’re as happy as we are right now”

Unconsciously, my lips curved into a small smile. Are we?

He turns his head away, again. He’s ready to soar through the horizon, again. Ready to drift away from me, even further than he was before. Ready to not fall in love.

Then came a whisper from the gap between his lips. A whisper so soft, it almost feels like a morning breeze.

“Let’s not fall in love”

The wind flows, caressing my cheek ever so gently. I closed my eyes and imagine the place he was always looking for in the distance. I imagine myself there. I imagine us.

Then came another whisper. This time, it was from mine.

“Let’s”

THE END

Now Listening: Bigbang - Let's Not Fall in Love

#3 Reunion

There we are again. Sitting face to face surrounded by the crowd of cheers. Looking close but also at the same time, distant. You flashed me a little smile. That smile. I want to refrain myself from smiling back but my body doesn’t seem to have the same idea. So without me even have the time to think, I smiled back.

Laughter was heard. Stories were exchanged. Nostalgia.

Our old friend cracked a joke; a funny one that made everyone in the table laughs their hearts out. I haven’t heard their laugh for quite a while. Their laughs, for some reason throws me to the long deep tunnel of time when life was as simple as ABCs. When nothing is more complicated than the algebra formulas our teacher used to teach us in the class. When we thought, we could handle everything in our hands as long as we’re standing side by side. Nothing will keep us apart.

Turns out life are not that simple, right? Things are more complicated than any math formulas we used to learn together back at school. We can’t handle everything in our hands, because the world is far bigger and more complicated that we thought. Even when we’re standing side by side, there’s still some invisible distance keeping us apart.

I caught your eyes glancing at my direction for a split second before that was broken when you turn your head because one of our friends called your name. It’s okay though, that split second is enough for both of us to finally realize something that has been buried deep beneath this thick layer of ego. That invisible barrier.

You never change, you said when the night ends.

So do you.

Four years and not the slightest change of you, and then you laugh.

Four years…

Four years worth of time for me to finally realize, I’m not over you.

Me too…

And then a hug. An awkward friend-to-friend hug. Arm slung awkwardly around the shoulder. Nose buried weirdly on the nape of the necks. Fingers ran hesitantly through the strands of hair. Heart raced rapidly against the cage of ribs. Unspoken words held by the tip of our tongues.

On that very moment we finally realized; something deep down in our hearts never change. Not even a slightest bit. It’s just us who refuse to acknowledge it.

THE END

#2 Coffee Shop

I came again today. It was always the same. Cool autumn breeze blew out the leaves, made some of them flew away from their stem. Sometimes it stuck in our hair; you hate that but somehow always laugh after picking that leaves out of your hair and mine. Some days you will just let the leaves stuck in your hair until the same breeze blew that out itself.

The same aroma and warm feeling greeted me as I entered the building. Caramel, wasn't it? The same scent you always had on your body, I remember that. The little bell chimes when I pushed the old wooden door. You love that chimes, you said the sound of it was comforting. Reminds you of your childhood house. The creaking sound of the wooden floor when I walked to our favorite corner didn't change. It's still there, left me smiling to myself every time I stepped on that.

The corner we usually sat never changes either; leather sofa with mahogany table in front of it. The view of sakura trees blossoming all pink in the spring also stay the same. Sadly, today it has turned into some kind of lifeless tree without any single leaves left on its bony stem. I remember how you used to frown when we watched that leaf-less tree from this seat. You said the tree looked anorexic and unhealthy, you hated that.

Slow and gloomy jazz music was played. Ah, the old man must be in a dark mood today. Maybe because of the decreasing visitors, since this old quiet coffee shop has nothing to offer compared to those with free Wi-Fi and more modern ambience. But we always love the comforting silence it offers right? Especially you.

I ordered Americano again. Not a surprise of course. You once said I need to try any other menus, change of scenery so that I won't get easily bored. Funny thing, because that was said by a person who always ordered cafe late with lots of creamer and less sugar. And never gets bored with that.

The old man brought me my order himself, smiled his ever so warm smile and greeted me politely. Like he always did every time we visited this coffee shop. I still remember that you would always greeted him back and asked him how he was, and then he would answer ‘Fantastic like always’ before waltzing back to his usual place behind the counter. Today however, it's his turn to ask how you were.

Well what can I say? Sometimes I wanted to ask myself the exact same thing. How are you there? It must be fun since I clearly remember your bright smile when we said our goodbyes that night. Do you still hate pickles? I know you would throw that little cucumber away every time we have burgers for lunch. Then we'd argue about how delicious pickles for me and how disgusting it was for you, like we would argue about the greasy pasta we made. Well, good news for you, I can finally eat that pasta now.

You know, there are times when I wanted to just step on my pedal and drives past this old wooden building, but I can't. There are other times when I just want to look for another coffee shop to visit instead of keep visiting this one for years, but I still can't. My friends said I got to move on and try to find a new you, but I just can't. They said maybe it's not ‘I can’t’ maybe it's ‘I don't want to’.

They are true.

***

“Let her go,” my friend said, tapping my back lightly.

A little smile formed on my face as I knelt and place a bucket of chrysanthemum in front of the tombstone of your grave. “I already did...”

***

Now Listening: Coffee Shop - BAP

#1 12:30

“Right now, we’re like the clock hands at 12:30. Our backs turned against each other, looking at different places, about to throw everything away”

10:30 PM

Mendung.

Muramnya cahaya bulan yang bersembunyi dibalik tebalnya awan seolah sedang mati-matian bersaing dengan kerlip lampu jalan yang menjadi penerangan utama jalanan malam itu. Deru mesin Mustang dan suara musik berdentum dari radio yang dibiarkan menyala (meski tidak benar-benar didengarkan oleh pengemudinya), menemani seorang lelaki dalam balutan jaket kulit dan kaus lusuh dibalik kemudi, menyusuri jalanan lebar beraspal tanpa tujuan yang pasti.

Ia menyukainya. Pergi jauh; hanya ia dan Mustang merahnya, menyusuri jalan-jalan tol yang sepi di malam hari, menyalakan radio keras-keras, dan mengemudi sesuka hatinya. Baginya, pergi bagaikan anti-depresan. Memacu kecepatan kendaraan tersebut hingga hampir melampaui batasnya, dengan hanya ditemani kerlip redup rembulan dan lampu jalanan serta gemerisik suara radio selalu berhasil menenangkan risaunya.

Tapi kali ini lain, semakin cepat ia memacu mobil klasik tersebut, semakin kencang musik yang ia putar, seberapa jauh pun ia pergi, rasa itu tidak mau hilang. Rasa yang datang ketika seseorang yang pada suatu masa pernah menjadi poros hidupnya pergi; hampa.

11:30 PM

Gerimis.

Rintik hujan satu per satu turun dan pecah saat bertubrukan dengan kaca dan badan besi mobil merah itu. Dentumannya yang lembut beradu dengan suara musik yang memenuhi ruangan mobil menciptakan kombinasi melodi yang membangkitkan memori sang lelaki akan sosok yang pernah mengisi tempat yang kini kosong dalam dirinya. Senyumnya yang secerah mentari pagi, suaranya yang setenang riak danau, helai rambutnya yang sehitam arang namun sehalus sutra, kerling matanya…

Pedal gas diinjak, sementara kemudi dicengkramnya erat. Mesin Mustang itu meraung, seolah merepresentasikan perasaan yang datang menghantam pengemudinya. Jarum penunjuk speedometer bergerak naik dengan cepat dan mobil itu pun melesat pergi. Pergi, seperti yang selalu ia lakukan.

12:30 AM

Hujan.

Bukankah lucu jika benda-benda di sekeliling kita ternyata bisa menceritakan mengenai kisah kita lebih banyak daripada yang bisa diceritakan oleh mulut kita sendiri?

12:30. Jarum pendek yang menunjuk tempat kosong diantara angka 12 dan 1, sementara pasangannya, sang jarum panjang memalingkan tubuhnya dan menunjuk kearah yang benar-benar berlawanan. Seolah mereka sedang memunggungi satu sama lain. Berpaling dari satu sama lain. Bergerak kearah yang berlawanan.

Tanpa disadari, Mustang merah itu telah menghentikan lajunya. Jarum jam terus bergerak dan malam pun merangkak larut, tapi bagi lelaki itu semuanya sudah berhenti. Berhenti di 12:30. Semuanya telah berhenti saat mereka memutuskan untuk berpaling dan bergerak kearah yang berlawanan, layaknya jarum jam pada pukul 12:30.

“Right now, we’re like the clock hands at 12:30.We’re walking to a place we can never return from”

***

Inspired from one deep dark night accompanied by Taeyang's 1AM, B2ST's 12:30 and Drive

[Book Review] Mystery of Yellow Room (Translated version) by Gaston Leroux

Now, first I wanna say sorry to this book because I’ve just recently finished reading it despite already bought it since last year. There’s several reasons to that, though, and one of them are included on the reasons (reason-ception) on why I should make a review about this book.

Okay, so as I said before I bought this book on the late of 2014 when I went on a driven-by-boredom-and-broken-heart weekend shopping. I was curious since the cover is so bright it almost outshined the neon lamp of the book store, and since it was sitting on the front row of the New Release rack so I just had the urge to give this little book my attention. First glance of the cover I thought it looked cool, with a classic and minimalist design of old France (I don’t know the name, mind you) decoration and an illustration of a small window. And of course don’t forget the yellow color that suits perfectly with the title. Overall, the exterior of the book seems nice at the moment.

That leads me to the next step, which is reading the synopsis. To my surprise, it was even better. To sum up the story, it was about a young journalist named Roulletible who was shockingly uncover the murder attempt case of Mademoiselle Stagerson in the Yellow Room—a very isolated place where no one could come in or out without being noticed. These were the words that got me hooked: “…Bagaimana kejahatan dapat terjadi di tempat yang tidak bisa dimasuki oleh orang lain? Bagaimana pelaku bisa keluar dari ruang tertutup? Apa motif dibalik tindakan pelaku? Siapa pelakunya? Bagaimana pula Roulletible membogkar kasus tersebut dengan begitu mencengangkan?” Sounds promising, right? And with that, I ended up buying the book.

But what disappoint me is that when I read the first line of the first chapter… oh boy, it was really REALLY poorly translated. It was so far from my expectation of a cleanly written (translated) book of detective tales. The words are overlapping with each other and so it makes the sentence much longer than it could have been. And of course that also result in an ineffective series of sentence that makes even one paragraph is so burdensome to read. It was like the translator just simply translated the original book paragraph by paragraph through google translate and pasted it just as it is. It reminds me of one of my college assignments in which we had to make a resume of a book written in a really advanced English (you know that kind of English where the author seem to use so much of thesaurus, yeah that kind), and we just, like, put sentence by sentence to google translate and pasted the translated version to our assignments. And because of that, during the first-read of this book I can only finish the first 3 chapters as it was so uncomfortable to read.

And so, the year goes on and I eventually forget about this book which was sitting on the back of my bookshelf. Only recently I finally gathered the motivation to finish what I’ve started… and I read it all over again. Turns out, the storyline is not that bad, as expected. It was full of thrill and suspense here and there, especially on a few last chapters when Roulletible has ‘seen’ the murder. Even though, I have to read some part for, like, 2 or 3 times before I get what it meant—because of the rough and hard-to-understand translation of course—but when I got to the ending… that was the moment when I could finally say: “Damn, why didn’t I finish this book earlier”. But really, for me the ending is the greatest thing in this book. It was surprising, genius, and entertainingly twisted. I like how Leroux had idea of making that one essential character as the culprit (I won’t give any spoiler, you have to guess. Tee-hee~).

Overall, I think this book is nice if I had just read it in its original version. I mean, the English version since the original version is written in French and I don’t understand any single French. But for this to be translated to Bahasa? I would only give 2 out of 5 stars.

***

Title: Mystery of Yellow Room
Writer: Gaston Leroux
Publisher: Visi Media
Page Count: 320 pages

Score
Storyline: 4/5
Diction: 2/5
Cover: 3/5
Overall: 3.5/5

Going Back on Track

Aye blogger fella!

Phew, sudah lama sekali rasanya tidak melakukan sesi curhat di media ini. Rindu rasanya (aseek). Ga deng boong. Tapi serius. HAHA.

Okay, well... where should I start... When was the last time I posted something here? 2 years ago? 3 years? 4? Maybe 3. Yeah, 3. Waktu kelas 12 and I said I don't even wanna go to any PTN (such a cocky bish you are, fik). Well, apparently universe has some other plans for me. Greater plan. Yes, baby, I'm now on my 2nd (and a half) year studying in Universitas Indonesia taking Social Wellfare Studies as my major (it's purely accidental, I'll tell you all the stories later). Cool, huh?

College is... what should I say... frustrating? Exciting? Fun? Tiring? Well, it's all of the above. Gue bisa ceritain mengenai hal-hal yang membedakan kuliah dengan jenjang pendidikan lainnya but that's so Maba. Hahahah, so... some other time (again) maybe?

Sesungguhnya, postingan ini dibuat semata-mata hanya sebagai pembuka atas pengaktifan kembali dinodinoattack di dunia per-blogging-an. I can't believe I started blogging again, yay!

Expect to hear more from yes, love?

xoxo
F

42 Hal Yang Tidak Diketahui Anak Tentang Ayahnya

From: http://unikboss.blogspot.com/2010/11/42-hal-yang-tidak-diketahui-anak.html

1. Ayah ingin anak-anaknya punya lebih banyak kesempatan daripada dirinya, menghadapi lebih sedikit kesulitan, lebih tidak tergantung pada siapapun - dan (tapi) selalu membutuhkan kehadirannya.

2. Ayah membiarkan kamu menang dalam permainan ketika kamu masih kecil, tapi dia tidak ingin kamu membiarkannya menang ketika kamu sudah besar.

3. Ayah tidak ada di album foto keluarga, karena dia yang selalu memotret.

4. Ayah selalu tepat janji! Dia akan memegang janjinya untuk membantu seorang teman, meskipun ajakanmu untuk pergi sebenarnya lebih menyenangkan.

5. Ayah selalu sedikit sedih ketika melihat anak-anaknya pergi bermain dengan teman-teman mereka.karena dia sadar itu adalah akhir masa kecil mereka.

6. Ayah mulai merencanakan hidupmu ketika tahu bahwa ibumu hamil (mengandungmu) , tapi begitu kamu lahir, ia mulai membuat revisi.

7. Ayah membantu membuat impianmu jadi kenyataan bahkan diapun bisa meyakinkanmu untuk melakukan hal-hal yang mustahil, seperti berenang di air setelah ia melepaskanya.

8. Ayah mungkin tidak tahu jawaban segala sesuatu, tapi ia membantu kamu mencarinya.

9. Ayah mungkin tampak galak di matamu, tetapi di mata teman-temanmu dia tampak baik dan menyayangi.

10. Ayah lambat mendapat teman, tapi dia bersahabat seumur hidup

11. Ayah benar-benar senang membantu seseorang...tapi ia sukar meminta bantuan.

12. Ayah di dapur. Membuat memasak seperti penjelajahan ilmiah. Dia punya rumus-rumus dan formula racikannya sendiri, dan hanya dia sendiri yang mengerti bagaimana menyelesaikan persamaan-persamaan rumit itu. Dan hasilnya?... .mmmmhhh..."tidak terlalu mengecewakan" ^_~

13. Ayah mungkin tidak pernah menyentuh sapu ketika masih muda, tapi ia bisa belajar dengan cepat.

14. Ayah paling tahu bagaimana mendorong ayunan cukup tinggi untuk membuatmu senang tapi tidak takut.

15. Ayah akan sangat senang membelikanmu makanan selepas ia pulang kerja, walaupun dia tak dapat sedikitpun bagian dari makanan itu

16. Ayah selalu berdoa agar kita menjadi orang yang sukses di dunia dan akhirat, walaupun kita jarang bahkan jarang sekali mendoakannya

17. Ayah akan memberimu tempat duduk terbaik dengan mengangkatmu dibahunya, ketika pawai lewat.

18. Ayah tidak akan memanjakanmu ketika kamu sakit, tapi ia tidak akan tidur semalaman. Siapa tahu kamu membutuhkannya.

19. Ayah menganggap orang itu harus berdiri sendiri, jadi dia tidak mau memberitahumu apa yang harus kamu lakukan, tapi ia akan menyatakan rasa tidak setujunya.

20. Ayah percaya orang harus tepat waktu. karena itu dia selalu lebih awal menunggumu.

22. Ia akan melupakan apa yang ia inginkan, agar bisa memberikan apa yang kamu butuhkan.....
23. Ia menghentikan apa saja yang sedang dikerjakannya, kalau kamu ingin bicara...

24. Ia selalu berfikir dan bekerja keras untuk membayar spp mu tiap semester, meskipun kamu tidak pernah membantunya menghitung berapa banyak kerutan di dahinya....

25. Ayah mengangkat beban berat dari bahumu dengan merengkuhkan tangannya disekeliling beban itu....

26. Ayah akan berkata ,, tanyakan saja pada ibumu" Ketika ia ingin berkata ,,tidak"

27. Ayah tidak pernah marah, tetapi mukanya akan sangat merah padam ketika anak gadisnya menginap di rumah teman tanpa izin

28. Dan diapun hampir tidak pernah marah, kecuali ketika anak lelakinya kepergok menghisap rokok dikamar mandi.

29. Ayah mengatakan ,, tidak apa-apa mengambil sedikit resiko asal kamu sanggup kehilangan apa yang kamu harapkan"

30. Pujian terbaik bagi seorang ayah adalah ketika dia melihatmu melakukan sesuatu hal yang baik persis seperti caranya....

31. Ayah lebih bangga pada prestasimu, daripada prestasinya sendiri....

32. Ayah hanya akan menyalamimu ketika pertama kali kamu pergi merantau meningalkan rumah, karena kalau dia sampai memeluk mungkin ia tidak akan pernah bisa melepaskannya.

33. Ayah tidak suka meneteskan air mata .... ketika kamu lahir dan dia mendengar kamu menangis untuk pertama kalinya,dia sangat senang sampai-sampai keluar air dari matanya (ssst..tapi sekali lagi ini bukan menangis)

34. ketika kamu masih kecil, ia bisa memelukmu untuk mengusir rasa takutmu...ketika kau mimpi akan dibunuh monster...

35. tapi.....ternyata dia bisa menangis dan tidak bisa tidur sepanjang malam, ketika anak gadis kesayangannya di rantau tak memberi kabar selama hampir satu bulan.

36. Ayah pernah berkata :" kalau kau ingin mendapatkan pedang yang tajam dan berkwalitas tinggi, janganlah mencarinya dipasar apalagi tukang loak, tapi datang dan pesanlah langsung dari pandai besinya. begitupun dengan cinta dan teman dalam hidupmu, jika kau ingin mendaptkan cinta sejatimu kelak, maka minta dan pesanlah pada Yang Menciptakannya"

37. Untuk masa depan anak lelakinya Ayah berpesan: ,, jadilah lebih kuat dan tegar daripadaku, pilihlah ibu untuk anak-anakmu kelak wanita yang lebih baik dari ibumu , berikan yang lebih baik untuk menantu dan
cucu-cucuku, daripada apa yang yang telah ku beri padamu"

38. Dan Untuk masa depan anak gadisnya ayah berpesan :" jangan cengeng meski kau seorang wanita, jadilah selalu bidadari kecilku dan bidadari terbaik untuk ayah anak-anakmu kelak! laki-laki yang lebih bisa
melindungimu melebihi perlindungan Ayah, tapi jangan pernah kau gantikan posisi Ayah di hatimu"

39. Ayah bersikeras, bahwa anak-anakmu kelak harus bersikap lebih baik daripada kamu dulu....

40. Ayah bisa membuatmu percaya diri... karena ia percaya padamu...

41. Ayah tidak mencoba menjadi yang terbaik, tapi dia hanya mencoba melakukan yang terbaik....

42. Dan terpenting adalah... Ayah tidak pernah menghalangimu untuk mencintai Tuhan, bahkan dia akan membentangkan seribu jalan agar kau dapat menggapai cintaNya, karena diapun mencintaimu karena cintaNya.